Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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