Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize