i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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