we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
