Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
