Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
