Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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