And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
