he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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