Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
