Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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