Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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