no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
