yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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