Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
