on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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