i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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