My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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