ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
