I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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