Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
