yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
