So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize