We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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