Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
NoShamevember. You game?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize