I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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