I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never underestimate the power of titties
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
