I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize