It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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