I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she smelled like a LAN party
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
