I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize