If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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