I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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