Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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