You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
