Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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