Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
