i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize