So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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