I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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