I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
