So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dick very happy bro
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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