from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just had sex on a roof
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
