fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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