Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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