Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
