We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
