they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
