bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
