i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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