I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
