Soap is not a condiment
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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