My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
