You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
