I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
