I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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