If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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