How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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