Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
