I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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