Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
