your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
