remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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