then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
