And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
