It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
