Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
