I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
