Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize