I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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