Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
