I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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