His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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