I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
