Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize