The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize