He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
