Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
