I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
