matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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