Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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