my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
