I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
