Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
