Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
