DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There r osticjed everywhere
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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