I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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