I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
