i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
