Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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